So, I deleted my Facebook app on my phone.
I mean, I love you guys, I really do. But every time I wasted an hour scrolling, I gave a little bit of my soul away. Between the political turmoil, media's lies, and the unending ads, I always felt a little dead inside when I would finally put my phone down. I don't have time to feel dead inside.
I'm smart enough to know that life is short. Many days, it doesn't feel short. Some days it feels like the day or week will never end. Sometimes pain seems to draw out the hours. Some seasons seem to last forever. But they never do.
The truth is, life IS short. And as I've perhaps said before, you don't get a second chance to do this thing called life. There is no dress rehearsal. This is the real deal, folks.
Therefore, I find myself (again) at the point of remembering what's important.
Above all, for me, peace is important. Peace is what I sell the quickest. I've sold it for money, for admiration, for power, for control, for "love" and for salvation. I abandon peace in my mind first as I listen to the thoughts that my ego throws at me - You have to, You should, You shouldn't, You need, You want. Then I follow the thoughts and wring out the peace from my body and soul as well. Then I'm left spent and empty and hollow and dry.
Connection matters too. And I have tried so many times to follow the phrase, Jesus, Others, You. But the truth for me is that I have to find connection to myself and my Holy Spirit first and foremost. I have to be grounded in the Meaning that is in my soul. Then there is an abundance to give from. I absolutely have to feel connected or I am lost.
I know love matters most of all. The changes in my life over the last four years caused me to scramble for balance. And the more I scrambled, the more unbalanced I became. A friend of mine says I am so, so loving. But I want to be better. I want to remember how to love my children unconditionally and not get frustrated with them. I want to love my step-children. I want to be the vessel of God's love for all that I meet. I'm not yet.
But I'm better. I'm closer. I'm so much happier in the place I am now than I have been.
One thing I know - Slow Down. The world's pace is insane. You will kill your soul if you try to keep up. You will stumble as you go. Accept the stumble. Choose to walk slower. Choose to breathe slower. Choose to savor touch and smells and light. Meditate. Sit outside. Snuggle. These are the foundation of the love I need back in my life.
So, I may not see you on Facebook. But hopefully some will accept my offering of words and meet me here. I want better things - for myself, for you, for all of us. I want meaning, connection, peace and love. May we hold each other close.
Sincerely,
Jennifer
