For those of you worried, yes, I'm okay.
Summer break has started which means I get to sleep as late as I need, enjoy long mornings sipping coffee, do household chores at a leisurely pace, and sit on my deck overlooking the water all day long. I get to take short trips with my amazing husband and laugh with my children without feeling rushed. I get to savor each moment of the amazing life God gave me.
For those who have read long enough, you know it wasn't always this easy.
God took me through great pain and great struggle to produce in me a strength and fortitude which many of you have recognized. Yes, I am now a badass - a force of nature, as my husband calls me. If there is a problem , I solve it. If there is a task, I do it. If there is a need, I fill it. I do what needs to be done. I do what others won't. I give what others can't.
But even badasses have a lot to learn.
I don't waste time speculating on why God does what He does. But I do notice when He's doing it.
I know very little about mental health and mental illness. But it has for damn sure become a part of my life. Without compromising the privacy of the ones I love, I will tell you that I have VERY closely now experienced the effects depression and anxiety. I have walked with others through drug abuse, severe depression, trouble with police, and the effects of suicide. And it's not just one person in my life. Or two. Or three. I mean, mental illness has made a nest and come to roost.
And I know nothing about it.
I'm an eternal optimist. Optimism doesn't solve problems here.
So, when you see me share links or quotes from sane.org, or the Mental Health Awareness Facebook page, it is because I am educating myself. But more than that, I'm putting it out there. If you don't feel comfortable looking at it, please feel free to scroll on by. I won't be offended, I promise. But the reason I don't know much about mental illness is because it's not ever part of the conversation. In my family, anyway, we've treated drug use or trouble with police as a separate issue, apart from the bigger picture of mental illness. Mental illness, for me, is like some shadowy unknown. So, I need to know. I need to be educated. I need to talk about it and put it out there and let it be as accepted as part of the conversation as the weather or the love I have for my friends. I need to know how I can help, how I can support. I need to know what not to do. I need to find the limits of my own power and my inability to solve this problem for the people I love. I just need to know more.
If you're interested in supporting me in this, then please don't scroll by. Click. Then message me what you think or feel or learn. Let's start this conversation. Because I need to know more. The people I love need me to know more. It's part of my life now - this big, beautiful, amazing, complex life that God has given me. I would love your help in learning more.
I can't solve it. I can't fix it. But not all problems were made to be solved or fixed. Some were made to be felt, to be lived, to be loved. And not solving problems is something I'm not very good at, But I'll try to be better,
Love and Peace,
Jennifer
