I have had the best day. I learned a long time ago that the secret to having a happy birthday was to have zero expectations. That way, each thoughtful expression is a surprise! It's been wonderful!
As I stop and reflect on this day, I am so incredibly grateful for where I stand today. You all know how hard I have worked this last year to recover from a very dark time. I have followed my spiritual path, I have changed my lifestyle, and I went to therapy. I have made amazing progress. Finally, last month, the last pieces fell into place. With an added medication, I am able to relax again. The fear is gone. I don't have to work so hard to feel happy. I'm me again. I think to stay.
It's so funny how this Universe works. Right before finding this medication, I went through the most stressful time. I was finishing my second masters, attending an internship program, involved heavily at work, and interviewing for a career change. Oh, and we're moving. I used the tools I had, sometimes with desperation, to make it through each day. Interviews were the worst. My anxiety and PTSD clouded my thinking, and I'd loose my train of thought often. I felt terrified, and waiting for a response was filled with thoughts of, "I just wasn't good enough".
But I did it.
I am pleased to announce that even through my anxiety, my PTSD, and my overloaded schedule, I was offered an assistant principal position. They saw my value even though I was scared and not functioning my best. I did it!
Finally, I know more about my future. I know where I'll be living. I know where I'll be working. There is a path.
I am hopeful that I have come to the end of the dark time. There are still hills to climb, but the way is a little clearer now.
For those who loved me along the way, thank you. I couldn't have done it without you.
To those who I've hurt, I'm sorry. My humanity was weak.
I know where my feet are today. I know who my God is today. I know that the miracle of Love will always win in the end. I believe that with all my heart. Love saved me once again, and I am grateful.
I don't think I'm the only one who was affected by the darkness of the last few years. I know no one's story is exactly like mine, but we really went through it. If you're still suffering, please reach out. Please keep fighting to find the light again. It's there. I promise. I don't know why life sometimes takes on the form of a black shadow, but I know it passes. I choose to believe in Love until it's gone and I can see the sun again. I've learned that sometimes, the process takes years. But Healing is real.
So, today on my birthday, I look to the future with peace, love, and happiness in my heart. It feels really good to be in a place where I'm not afraid and I know I am competent and capable of flourishing in all that is to come. It's a good life. It's a really good life.
Love leads us back. May Love lead you Home.
Love,
Jennifer
