For those who have been following my story, you know how hard I've been fighting to recover. I have been very, very sick. Like for the last six years. Life events and my own actions knocked the living shit out of me. Thank you to those who stuck with me. No wonder I couldn't see the sunshine. No wonder I could only see darkness. No wonder I was trying desperately to find happiness again.
Today, I'm happy. In all that I searched for, in all the changes I tried to make, I didn't try to make the right changes. And so the darkness continued.
Today, I am healthy again. Today, I am at peace. Today, I am happy. Truly happy.
The last several times I wrote, I didn't know how sick I still was. I didn't know how sick I let myself become. I knew I wasn't feeling the way I wanted to feel, but I didn't know I was looking for the solution in the wrong places.
Today I know...
I am powerless over God's world, and it is not meant to be controlled.
God loves us and wants us to be happy and healthy.
I have decided to let God run the show again.
A diligent reflection and assessment of my actions leads me to see where I could be better.
Being open with others and with God about my imperfections helps me find peace.
I surrender my imperfections to God.
I have identified actions that I need to apologize for.
I am working on making those apologies.
I reflect almost every day on what I did well and things I would like to do differently.
I pray and meditate every day, and I look to the Holy Spirit to guide me through life.
I connect with others again, and I'm trying to share what I've learned.
I didn't know that 2017 would be the beginning of some of the darkest years of my life. I didn't know the depths to which I'd fall. I didn't know how much we would all suffer.
But I did know, in the bottom of my heart, that escape from the suffering was possible. And it took me a while, but I found it.
I offer you hope. I offer you my experience in knowing that if you find yourself on the darkest of roads, there is a way out, and if you'll look to the Universe with sincere humility and ask for help, the Universe will kindly and lovingly step in.
Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself. If you need help, reach out for it. You are loved beyond anything you could comprehend.
With much love and happiness in my heart,
Jennifer
