Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Be Special

I'm a survivor.  I always land on my feet, or if I don't, I quickly get back up.  I am strong, I am smart.  I figure things out and I solve problems.  I know how to get things done.

What a crippling handicap this is.

I've learned something new.  People were made needing love.  When we are loved, we operate more as we were intended - in peace and harmony and gentleness with each other.  When we are loved, we know we are okay, safe, and beautiful.

Perhaps it is a better thing to be a little needy, to need love from those around us.  I try very hard to be a loving person to those around me - to my  children, my family, and my friends.  But maybe this is only half the story.

I need to be loved back.  Desperately.

And here's the thing.  There is so much love to be had out there.  God offers us His abundant love in a multitude of ways - gentle breezes, beautiful sunrises, a child's smile, hugs from a friend.

Who am I not to admit I need these gifts?  Who am I not to receive them?

I am Special.  A beautiful child of God with a deep heart and a love for understanding what is most important in life.

Love is most important in life.

All the "to-do's" don't matter.  All the planning doesn't matter.  All the accomplishments don't matter.

Being special matters.  Being loved matters.

Take the time to let love in.  Take the time to be special.  Take the time to be loved.

Sincerely,
Jennifer

Monday, November 28, 2011

Feeling Loved

Something curious happened to me in the process of developing this new (and past) relationship in my life.  For the first time, I felt loved.  Really loved,  There was finally a person who, though he didn't say "I love you", was loving me in action.  He was listening to me, attending to my needs, and communicating with me deeply and openly.  I observed a change in my behavior during this time.  I was more easily able to stay grounded, centered, and loving in my own interactions with others.  It was though I had finally come home.

Now that he is gone, how do I maintain that?  Because I am not one who believes that it is the outside circumstances which cause and create our feelings.  "I am what I thnk," I have learned.  In other words, it is my interpretation of my perceptions which cause my emotions.  I was told once that people need love and that when they feel loved, everything in their life becomes more stable.  Having experienced what I have, I now believe that.

And there's more.  When I stop and think rationally for a moment, I know that there are dozens of people in my life who love me - my children, my family, my friends, my God.  So why doesn't their love suffice?  Why doesn't all that love create in me the same sense of security?

I want it to.  I want to feel all that love in my heart.  How do I do it?  How do I go from feeling like I'm giving to others all the time to feeling as though it is an equal exchange?  Or, better yet, that I have so much in me already that I have more than enough to share?

Part of it, I know, is spending time with my God and watching and waiting for the miraculous signs of His continual Presence in my life.  His supply of love for me is never ending.

God, grant that I may seek to love, rather than to be loved.  Please help me to feel filled with love so that I may offer it to others freely.  Amen.

Sincerely,
Jennifer

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Words for Life - The Beginning

Falling in love, and consequently, out of love, is the most physically painful and heart wrenching experience I have yet come accross.

I have had many relationships, but not until now, age 39, did I ever know a truly intimate relationship - emotional, mental, spiritual, and surprisingly enough, not physical.

I shared with this man my authentic heart - something I, in recent years, had learned to do with my women friends, but never with a man before.

It was a life-changing experience.

Almost instantaneously, we created a forum for ourselves in which we could commnicate our hearts, our faith, our love, our passions.  In this process, I healed tremendously.  As a friend puts it, I got a piece of my heart back.  It was a part I didn't even know I was missing.  And now that  I've had that experience, now that I've tasted abundant life, I never want to go back to being the subdued and frightened person I was before.

I found my voice.  I found the Power of the Presence of my God.  I found courage.  I found love.  I found peace, and I found joy.

When God decides to make His Presence known in your life, get ready for an incredible ride.

In all my years combined, I have not accumulated the number of "God Moments" - you know, those "coincidences" that are just a little too coincidental - as I have in the last ten months.  It was when I gave my life completely over to God, in an act of sheer desperation, that things started to happen.  And I'm not just talking about the relationship I shared with that man.  That was only the latest (and short lived) experience.  God's Presence and Power in my life have become completely undeniable.

But now the avenue I had for expressing my amazing experiences in God is gone.  So what's a girl, who has heart and intelligence and a million things to say about life and love and authenticity, to do?

Well, start a blog, of course.

So, to the millions and billions of you who will never read this, thank you for allowing me to take up just a tiny piece of the internet to make a home for my thoughts and words.  And if any of you ever do read this...thank you.

Sincerely,
Jennifer