Grace

Today didn't go as well as I'd hoped.  Today, I underperformed.  I could have done better.  That's the truth.

But then again, isn't it true that no matter how well we do, we could always do better?  No matter how well I performed, there would always be something I could have done to do it better.  

I know that I did  the best I could in the moment. Anxiety hit me hard today.  It invaded my thoughts and made coherent thinking difficult.  PTSD is real.

But there were also moments where my authentic voice came through.

When I think back to where I was two years ago, I remember not having a voice, almost incapable of true authenticity.  I've made a lot of progress.

Of course, my ego wants to dwell on the negatives.  I could very easily magnify them to terrifying proportions.  I've noticed I tend to catastrophize.  But today I know I can choose.  I can choose to go down the path that leads to fear, or I can give myself grace.

Tonight, I give myself grace. 

Many times, that's easier said than done.  Why is it that I can so easily extend bountiful grace to everyone but myself?  

I'm learning.  I'm learning to forgive accusing thoughts.  I'm learning that in the Universe's big, beautiful plan, there will be times when my imperfections shine through.  I believe it is for good reason.  I believe the Universe is working for the ultimate good, and sometimes failing at something closes just the right doors.

Tonight, I choose to trust the Universe.  I choose to trust God's love and perfect plan.  I am grateful for how far I've come and what I accomplished by taking the risk.  I'm proud of myself for trying.

May you find peace on the rough days.

Love,

Jennifer