Day 362 - Think Before You Speak

Wow.  Are we at day 362 already?  See?  These 365 days without a man are just flying by.

So, I bought this calendar a couple months back - a 2012 calendar with cool and trendy motivational sayings for each month.  It's black and white and says some very positive and uplifting and empowering things.  I decided it would be perfect for this little project I've got going.  I'd number the days backwards until the time is up - Christmas of 2012.  I'd hang it on my bathroom mirror where I can see it everyday.

Except, I can't find the dang thing.  It sat on my dresser forever, still wrapped in plastic, and I guess in one of my rare moments of cleaning, I put it in a more respectful place.  And now I can't find it.  I haven't given up looking - I'm sure it will turn up.  But it's mysterious disappearance led to yet another fine lesson for Jennifer - signed, sealed, and delivered straight from God.

I was reaching behind the dresser to see if it had fallen when my hand touched something calendar like, so I pulled it out.  It wasn't the calendar, it was a card.  A card I didn't even remember seeing before.  I could tell by the front that it was a boyfriend (or husband) relationship card, but for the life of me, I couldn't remember where or when it had come from.  So I looked inside.

Inside, I found the most loving words ever.  "I love you...I realized today that in you, God has given me everything I ever wanted.  Your expressions of love - in word, thought, touch, and action, are what I always hoped for...I love you.  I want you to have my heart."  Beautiful, huh?

Except, the card was from me.  To an ex-boyfriend.  An ex-boyfriend I broke up with.  An ex-boyfriend that I had broken up with because, in the end, I knew the relationship lacked the things I  needed - love and emotional intimacy and connection. Oops.

Hmmm.  Guess I'm not so smart after all, huh?

Wow.  Now I have an actual tangible piece of evidence - exhibit A, we'll call it - that shows me in black and white (and a pretty blue) that Jennifer has no flipping clue what is best for her.  A piece of evidence that proves I shouldn't be so quick to jump in, to declare my undying love, to think that "this is the One."  Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut for awhile.  Like a whole year.

And it makes me sorry.  Sorry I said those things when in the end, they weren't true.  Sort of like when someone said them to me, and it the end, they weren't true.  It hurts when someone says those things, but in the end, doesn't mean them.  At least not forever.  Maybe those words are too powerful and shouldn't be said...until...until when?

Maybe there's a time of high emotion in a new relationship that one enjoys but must be careful and vigilant with their words.  And only if the relationship stands the test of time should one say those kinds of things.  I don't know.  I'm not in a relationship, so I have no idea.

Gonna put that card somewhere where I can see it for awhile.  I need to remember the lesson of that card.  Pretty important stuff.  Life stuff.  And that's what this year is all about.

Sincerely,
Jennifer