Ahh....Christams is over. A wonderful time was had by all. A time of love and children's smiles and remembering how much Jesus and our Father loves us. For me, it was also a time of pain. A time of saying goodbye to what never was. A time of finally releasing my hold on that big boulder I was carrying around in my backpack. I may pick it up again, but for today, I let go.
So, now I'm thinking about 2012. The Mayans and whoever else said this will be our last hoorah. Who knows? I certainly don't. And, I really don't care.
But I did start thinking about what I want this next year. And I got an idea. A really big "What if?" idea. And I may not be fully comitted, but I think I might be.
What if 2012 was MY year? What if 2012 was the year I spent content with what has been given me? What if, in 2012, I DIDN'T seek out a relationship? What if for one whole year, I spent time with just me...and my children...and my beautiful and loving friends? What if I learned to be happy with things just the way they are?
What if I focused my efforts on being the best mom I am RIGHT NOW. What if I could be the best teacher I am RIGHT NOW. What if I could be the best friend I can be...RIGHT NOW.
What if I learned to let go of what I don't have, what I never had, and what I really don't need.
What if I learned to be at peace? For a whole year. What if I learned to really balance my budget...all by myself. What if I learned to be strong and beautiful...all on my own...and I loved who I was and shone the beauty of that person for all to see and love.
What if I really loved others? Deeply and compassionately, as well as passionately, with the same love that God has given to me - to all of us.
What if I went back to yoga class - where I learned to be strong and independent. What if I kept getting my master's degree and continued on the path God has put me on - this time without getting sidetracked. What if I continued to show those at work that I am strong and brave and intelligent and articulate and wise? What if I learned to communicate with those who disagree with me? What if I learned to love those who hurt me? What if I was a voice for all those who needed help? What if I let God use me?
What if I didn't chase a man this year? What if I was happy just to be me - independent and strong. What if I lived peacefully and independently in this beautiful home that God has given me, with these beautiful boys that God has given me, loving and being loved by the wonderful friends God has given me, being a faithful sister and daughter to the family God has given me. What if I was what God intended me to be - for one whole year.
365 days. A blink. Can I do it? I don't know. Does God have other intentions? I don't know. And it doesn't really matter. 'Cause I'm willing. And He knows it.
Until next Christmas - single, content, living, loving - Jennifer.
Sincerely,
Jennifer
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