Uhhhhmmmm.....

A friend told me the other day...we make plans, and God laughs.

Hmmmm.


Don't worry (Mom) - I'm not running off to get married.  Hell, I refuse to even kiss him.

So, let me start out with honesty. 

Technically, I'm still single.  Like in all sense of the word.  Technically.

Oh, wait.  I said honesty.



Hmmmm.


Well...let's say undefined.

I had to be honest with you all.  Honesty is such a part of who I am now, and who I want to be.  Hiding this was not an option.  Knowing how to tell you?  Not so easy.  But I'm trying.

I'm even protecting my heart a bit. I'm being careful.  I'm going slow.  In my own defense, I wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't the most amazing potential I've ever seen.  Hey, I may be broken, but I'm not stupid enough to let the most amazing person I've ever met slip by just because I chose to try this.

There are lots of great guys out there, someone told me.  No there aren't.  I know.  I've met most of them.

My friend told me I used to be a loser magnet.  My friend was right.  I didn't deserve better.  I had to suffer to make the other person happy, which they never were anyway.  I was treated badly.  I latched onto people who did not know peace.  I created drama for myself, then tried to change the other person to make the drama go away.

I'm not that girl anymore.

Today, I know myself.  I like myself.  Being myself, alone, is enough.  God completes me, not someone else.

And I am strong.  I am smart.  I can fix dishwashers and bury cats and replace stolen lipsticks.  I can love my friends deeply and let them love me back.  I can walk with my head held high, knowing I am not making the same stupid choices I once did.  I know I am at peace.

And now, maybe there's someone to share that with.

No, I didn't plan on this.  However...I said that I was willing, but that God was in control.  He still is.  If I'm wrong, I'm wrong.  God will still love me.  So will my friends.  So will I.

I'm human.  So be it.

I still love me.

Sincerely,
Jennifer