Day 361...Again

So, I got my calendar all numbered.  You know, the one where I count down the 365 days that I will NOT actively pursue a relationship with a man.  And I was very, very careful about my numbering since I was doing it with a Sharpie, and I didn't want to mess up.  But as I finished - I had started on December 24, 2012 with the number 1 and went backwards - I noticed that something wasn't quite right.  Yesterday, which was Thursday, should have been Day 361, but according to the calendar, today - Friday - was day 361.  It was quite disconcerting.  I double checked my numbers.  They were all correct.  Hmmm.

So, I let it go for a day or so.  I continued living my life, but all the while, it was nagging at the back of my mind.  Where did that extra day come from?  At least two days went by, and the mystery remained unsolved.

Oh.  Leap year.

See, that's the thing about my brain.  It's not perfect.  Sometimes the answer to a problem will be so obvious, yet I still miss it.  Other times, (and my apologies - again - to those of you who have experienced this with me) I will somehow plan two elaborately detailed events, never realizing that I planned them for the exact same time.  Or, there's the time or two I've forgotten to pick up my children.  That was a killer.

Or how about the times I run late?  Or I forget a birthday.  Or I fail to put gas in my car in time.  (Actually, that one was more of an adventure.)

How about when my house is a mess and I let it stay that way for a while?  Or when I don't put clean laundry away for weeks.  Or when I stay in my pajamas until 5 p.m.  Or when I work too hard.  Or when I cry.  Or when I get angry.  Or when I just plain fail.

See, my point is, I'm not perfect.  And I'm okay with that today.  There was a time I wasn't.  And I was crazy and very difficult to be around.  I like to think I'm a nicer person today.  I know how to let go of the imperfections.

A friend told me yesterday that part of my problem is I always want more.  But I don't think that's a problem.  I do always want more.  I always want to BE more.  I always want to LEARN more.  I always want to ENJOY more.  And the only way I've found to do that successfully is to let go of most of the expectations I place on myself and others.

A guy I dated recently (yep, same one - see how my attitude is changing?) wanted me to be perfect.  He said that the girl who got frustrated wasn't the authentic me.  BS.

The authentic me IS imperfect.  And I love it that way.  I forgive myself when I forget.  I forgive myself when I foul up.  And I'm learning to forgive myself even when I fail.

Jane Fonda is reported to have said, "We need to help (each other) really internalize the message that good enough is good enough.  We don't need to be perfect.  We're not supposed to be perfect; we're supposed to be complete.  And you can't be complete if you're trying to be perfect."

The Bible says it too:  "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."  God's grace has erased our imperfections.  Shouldn't we do the same for ourselves and for each other?

Life gets messy.  Get over it.  Live it.  Love it.  Enjoy not having to be perfect.

Works for me.

Sincerely, Jennifer