We (my sons and I) buried our cat today. We've had Kitty for about nine years. She found me one day on our front porch and became a part of our family. She will be missed.
A couple of summers ago, another pet died at our house. But it wasn't mine, it was my ex-boyfriend's. And I didn't have to pick up the body. And I didn't have to decide what to do. Because the dog wasn't mine, it was his.
Today, it was mine. She was very sick. I had to decide - alone - whether or not to take the day off to get her to the vet. I had to decide - alone - whether or not to spend the money to take her in. I had to decide - alone - whether or not to spend hundreds of dollars to find out what might be wrong. I had to decide - alone - to let her go.
My oldest son went with me to the vet. He dug the hole to bury her body. Later, I slept most of the afternoon away at my mother's house. She loved me and helped me.
So...I wasn't really alone.
I am reminded again today of how much we need love. The kind of love that is God's love with skin on. We need people to love us. We need gentleness and tenderness. I need gentleness and tenderness. It hasn't been in my cards to find that kind of relationship with a man - at least one that will last. And there are times when even my friends seem far away.
But I'm still never really alone.
Thank you, son, and thank you, mom, for embodying God's love today. I don't know where I'm heading, but I'm glad to not be alone.
Sincerely,
Jennifer
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