My friends,
You've made my life tolerable over the last six months. You made me laugh. You held me when I cried. You listened to me rant. You held me when I shook. You were strong when I wasn't, and you applauded me when I was. You heard me, you saw me, you understood me.
L - for taking me back and leaning on me and letting me lean on you.
H - for making forgiveness seem so easy.
K - for being the loving, wise voice that you are. And for being human, just like me.
J - for never giving up.
A - for telling me I am more than good enough.
J - for praying with me.
K - for reading all my blogs.
L - for knowing all our family's funny stories.
M - for being ever supporting.
A - for listening to me, even when you probably didn't want to.
L - for letting me have a second chance to make a first impression.
K - for always bringing a sunny response.
B - for teaching me that it is okay to want the best for me.
K - for teaching me that I can get back up after being knocked down.
J - for being the son every mother would love.
J - even though we've grown apart, I know that you're still there.
K - for being an amazingly strong woman and great role model.
D - for being my dad.
M - for all your gentle hugs.
T - for showing me it's okay to be single.
S - for those amazing hugs.
To all of you, thank you. I love you.
Sincerely,
Jennifer
Monday, February 27, 2012
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Day 304 - Not Perfect, But...
I do not make the most perfect choices, but I learn from my mistakes.
I do not have the perfect house, but I have a cozy home.
I do not have a perfect past, but I have a well-lived present.
I do not have the perfect job, but I have a fulfilling job.
I do not have the perfect mind, but I have a sharp mind.
I do not have the perfect face, but I have a pretty face.
I do not have the perfect body, but I have a beautiful body.
I do not have perfect children, but I have happy children.
I do not have perfect friends, but I have wonderful friends.
I do not have the perfect life, but I have an amazling life.
Here's to being happy - not perfect.
Sincerely,
Jennifer
I do not have the perfect house, but I have a cozy home.
I do not have a perfect past, but I have a well-lived present.
I do not have the perfect job, but I have a fulfilling job.
I do not have the perfect mind, but I have a sharp mind.
I do not have the perfect face, but I have a pretty face.
I do not have the perfect body, but I have a beautiful body.
I do not have perfect children, but I have happy children.
I do not have perfect friends, but I have wonderful friends.
I do not have the perfect life, but I have an amazling life.
Here's to being happy - not perfect.
Sincerely,
Jennifer
Friday, February 24, 2012
Day 305 - I've Made It Two Months
Actually, it's been more if you count the last time I actually went out on a date. But still there was the whole drama thing about being friends and all - which ended up being even more heartache. So, we'll just say two months.
I think I've made it through the roughest part. I pray I've made it through the roughest part. As you know, this last month about did me in. The cat, the car, the appliances, VD...it felt like it would never end. But it did.
Which may be why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling now. Like I just want to hop off the drama train for a while. I want no excitement. I want to go somewhere peaceful and quiet. I want to do nothing, to think nothing, to feel nothing...if just for a little while. The world can go on moving without me for a bit if it wants to. I'll jump back in when I'm ready.
It's Friday. I can do anything I want to. And what do I do? I take a nap.
Life seems to be an endless...though not really endless...journey of peaks and valleys. The terrain can be treacherous, especially to one with a tender heart. Most days, I hit the trail with high spirits and a true sense of adventure. Other times, I limp along just praying for relief from the elements.
Today, I rest. Today, I know when I need rest, and I know how to get it. I don't find it in escaping reality - there is no point in that. True rest is found in releasing the pressure I place on myself. For it is not life that places such harsh demands on us - it is us ourselves. I get that today. I know that if I need a break, it is I that am responsible for seeing that I get one.
No one else can make my life tolerable. No one else can make my life enjoyable. No other person is responsible in any way for how I feel. I am.
I am hopeful that this year I am taking will help to solidify that understanding. I am hoping that I will really get it - once and for all - that I am responsible for the quality of my life. I hope I will truly learn that the choices I make in who I have around me are important choices. I hope I do not choose poorly again.
For now, I look around me and see some very beautiful, loving faces. I see my children. I see my family. I see the most amazing friends in the world. And I see me. Those are the people I choose today. And I love them dearly.
Today I choose to rest, I choose to love, and I choose to be at peace. Amen.
Sincerely,
Jennifer
I think I've made it through the roughest part. I pray I've made it through the roughest part. As you know, this last month about did me in. The cat, the car, the appliances, VD...it felt like it would never end. But it did.
Which may be why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling now. Like I just want to hop off the drama train for a while. I want no excitement. I want to go somewhere peaceful and quiet. I want to do nothing, to think nothing, to feel nothing...if just for a little while. The world can go on moving without me for a bit if it wants to. I'll jump back in when I'm ready.
It's Friday. I can do anything I want to. And what do I do? I take a nap.
Life seems to be an endless...though not really endless...journey of peaks and valleys. The terrain can be treacherous, especially to one with a tender heart. Most days, I hit the trail with high spirits and a true sense of adventure. Other times, I limp along just praying for relief from the elements.
Today, I rest. Today, I know when I need rest, and I know how to get it. I don't find it in escaping reality - there is no point in that. True rest is found in releasing the pressure I place on myself. For it is not life that places such harsh demands on us - it is us ourselves. I get that today. I know that if I need a break, it is I that am responsible for seeing that I get one.
No one else can make my life tolerable. No one else can make my life enjoyable. No other person is responsible in any way for how I feel. I am.
I am hopeful that this year I am taking will help to solidify that understanding. I am hoping that I will really get it - once and for all - that I am responsible for the quality of my life. I hope I will truly learn that the choices I make in who I have around me are important choices. I hope I do not choose poorly again.
For now, I look around me and see some very beautiful, loving faces. I see my children. I see my family. I see the most amazing friends in the world. And I see me. Those are the people I choose today. And I love them dearly.
Today I choose to rest, I choose to love, and I choose to be at peace. Amen.
Sincerely,
Jennifer
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Day 311, Part 2 - This Is What I'm Talking About
Sitting here in Safelite, waiting for my window to be fixed - you know, the one some creep broke out with a crowbar last week - I just got the most awesome text:
C: C_______ got all her blue ribbons on Study Island!!!!!!!!!! (Study Island is something we use to get us ready for the state assessment.)
Ms. Ward: Go sistah! Go sistah! Go sistah! Tell her I am so excited and proud of her!
C: She's the one that texted you!!!!
C: At first, I was like :/ I'm never going to pass. But then I passed and then I was like :) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ms. Ward: Yeah, C________! I'm smiling so big! I'm so proud of you!!! That's how it always feels when we try something that used to be hard. But we push on, and we don't give up. Then we win! You're amazing!
C: Thanks for being a great teacher and for being in 3rd grade for us......
Ms. Ward: You're gonna make me cry. I'm so glad God put me right where He did. It's been awesome!
C: Ya, okay, well baiiiiiiiiii :)
I love my life.
Love,
Jennifer
C: C_______ got all her blue ribbons on Study Island!!!!!!!!!! (Study Island is something we use to get us ready for the state assessment.)
Ms. Ward: Go sistah! Go sistah! Go sistah! Tell her I am so excited and proud of her!
C: She's the one that texted you!!!!
C: At first, I was like :/ I'm never going to pass. But then I passed and then I was like :) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ms. Ward: Yeah, C________! I'm smiling so big! I'm so proud of you!!! That's how it always feels when we try something that used to be hard. But we push on, and we don't give up. Then we win! You're amazing!
C: Thanks for being a great teacher and for being in 3rd grade for us......
Ms. Ward: You're gonna make me cry. I'm so glad God put me right where He did. It's been awesome!
C: Ya, okay, well baiiiiiiiiii :)
I love my life.
Love,
Jennifer
Day 311 - Awakening
You ever wake up from a bad dream to see the sun shining, the birds singing, the air fresh and clean, and the whole world seeming to be smiling on you? I feel that way.
Has it really been fifty-five days since I decided to spend a year alone? Technically, that's more than 1/7th of the way done. Not that I'm counting. Really.
This last week was the toughest week yet. I had to face him - the one that broke my heart - on Valentine's Day. I won't say that I handled it in the most mature and loving manner, because that would be lying. But I didn't cry, I didn't make a scene, I didn't attack, and I didn't beg. All things considered, I think I did a pretty good job.
As dramatic as I am, I really hate drama.
I wish he would just disappear from my side of the world. I wish I'd never met him, or more specifically, that I'd never chosen to call this man out of the blue and ask him to coffee. I wish I hadn't believed all the wonderful things he said. I wish I hadn't accepted the dreams of the future he offered. I wish I hadn't opened my heart so fully and offered it so freely.
Will that stop me the next time? Doubt it.
Things got pretty dark there for awhile. And I'm talking even after the two months of intense emotional pain ended. For the last month or so, it's been one thing after another, and life seemed to be knocking me down at every turn. And then came the extreme anxiety of having to face him one last time. Even for an eternal optimist, it was tough to keep going. I wanted relief. I wanted life to be easy for a little while. Giving up on my goals started to sound like a possible alternative.
But I didn't.
Today, I believe I will finish what I set out to do. I will finish my master's next year. I will keep my eyes on December 25, 2012, as the day this commitment I made to myself (and all of Facebook) will be complete. I will end this school year strong and be a wonderful teacher to my students. And I will do it all with a clear mind and an open heart.
I will never run a marathon. I just don't want to. But I get the concept. This race isn't over yet. And I will not quit.
Thank you, Father God, for carrying me through the roughest parts. I know I did not make it alone.
Sincerely,
Jennifer
Has it really been fifty-five days since I decided to spend a year alone? Technically, that's more than 1/7th of the way done. Not that I'm counting. Really.
This last week was the toughest week yet. I had to face him - the one that broke my heart - on Valentine's Day. I won't say that I handled it in the most mature and loving manner, because that would be lying. But I didn't cry, I didn't make a scene, I didn't attack, and I didn't beg. All things considered, I think I did a pretty good job.
As dramatic as I am, I really hate drama.
I wish he would just disappear from my side of the world. I wish I'd never met him, or more specifically, that I'd never chosen to call this man out of the blue and ask him to coffee. I wish I hadn't believed all the wonderful things he said. I wish I hadn't accepted the dreams of the future he offered. I wish I hadn't opened my heart so fully and offered it so freely.
Will that stop me the next time? Doubt it.
Things got pretty dark there for awhile. And I'm talking even after the two months of intense emotional pain ended. For the last month or so, it's been one thing after another, and life seemed to be knocking me down at every turn. And then came the extreme anxiety of having to face him one last time. Even for an eternal optimist, it was tough to keep going. I wanted relief. I wanted life to be easy for a little while. Giving up on my goals started to sound like a possible alternative.
But I didn't.
Today, I believe I will finish what I set out to do. I will finish my master's next year. I will keep my eyes on December 25, 2012, as the day this commitment I made to myself (and all of Facebook) will be complete. I will end this school year strong and be a wonderful teacher to my students. And I will do it all with a clear mind and an open heart.
I will never run a marathon. I just don't want to. But I get the concept. This race isn't over yet. And I will not quit.
Thank you, Father God, for carrying me through the roughest parts. I know I did not make it alone.
Sincerely,
Jennifer
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Day I Don't Even Care Right Now - WDNNFVD Day
Oh....I just spent an hour laughing my butt off. I had to post.
So, you know what kind of time I've been having lately. Had to put the cat down. Dishwasher went down. Washing machine went down. Car got broken into. Then, to follow up, the alternator in the car went out and had to be replaced, the car wash place would not vacuum the glass out of my car, and now my electric locks do not work and the replacement window won't seal.
And Tuesday is valentine's day. (Note: I chose not to capitalize that.)
Now, I have to work late Tuesday night until 7:30 p.m., after which I must go to class until 10. Oh, and no boy loves me on valentine's day.
However, I must say, I do not have to go to the gastroenterologist on valentine's day, as my also single friend must do. I told her she wins.
It's so bad, there is nothing else one can do but laugh.
So, we've decided to scrap the whole VD idea. Forget it. Who needs it. We don't. It's all a bunch of hooplah anyway. And let's face it, even when we are in a relationship, VD is usually a big let down.
We've decided that each year, on February 15, we will celebrate WDNNFVD Day. I'll let you figure out what that stands for.
Life has been kicking the crap out of me lately. I am reminded again of Churchill's words: "When you're going through hell...keep going."
So, that's what I shall do. I shall go to bed (having eaten an entire bag of cookies and half a jar of spinach dip) and forget this day and the previous 16 ever happened. Then I will somehow face the fact that I must see the man who broke my heart twice...TWICE...this week - including on the actual vd day, and I will figure out how the hell I'm going to get through that. With this attitude I've had lately, chances are that Monday and Tuesday are going to be pure hell.
But then, on Wednesday, I will celebrate the blessed WDNNFVD Day with one of my best friends in the world. And we will laugh our tails off. We might cry too, but then we will laugh some more.
Sometimes life kicks us in the teeth. But don't those missing teeth sure give us something to laugh about?
Oh...and she sent me this. I know it's not Easter, but we both thought it was perfect for where we're at right now. I'm the one on the right.
Since I probably won't have time to post again until later, HAPPY WDNNFVD DAY!
Sincerely,
Jennifer
So, you know what kind of time I've been having lately. Had to put the cat down. Dishwasher went down. Washing machine went down. Car got broken into. Then, to follow up, the alternator in the car went out and had to be replaced, the car wash place would not vacuum the glass out of my car, and now my electric locks do not work and the replacement window won't seal.
And Tuesday is valentine's day. (Note: I chose not to capitalize that.)
Now, I have to work late Tuesday night until 7:30 p.m., after which I must go to class until 10. Oh, and no boy loves me on valentine's day.
However, I must say, I do not have to go to the gastroenterologist on valentine's day, as my also single friend must do. I told her she wins.
It's so bad, there is nothing else one can do but laugh.
So, we've decided to scrap the whole VD idea. Forget it. Who needs it. We don't. It's all a bunch of hooplah anyway. And let's face it, even when we are in a relationship, VD is usually a big let down.
We've decided that each year, on February 15, we will celebrate WDNNFVD Day. I'll let you figure out what that stands for.
Life has been kicking the crap out of me lately. I am reminded again of Churchill's words: "When you're going through hell...keep going."
So, that's what I shall do. I shall go to bed (having eaten an entire bag of cookies and half a jar of spinach dip) and forget this day and the previous 16 ever happened. Then I will somehow face the fact that I must see the man who broke my heart twice...TWICE...this week - including on the actual vd day, and I will figure out how the hell I'm going to get through that. With this attitude I've had lately, chances are that Monday and Tuesday are going to be pure hell.
But then, on Wednesday, I will celebrate the blessed WDNNFVD Day with one of my best friends in the world. And we will laugh our tails off. We might cry too, but then we will laugh some more.
Sometimes life kicks us in the teeth. But don't those missing teeth sure give us something to laugh about?
Oh...and she sent me this. I know it's not Easter, but we both thought it was perfect for where we're at right now. I'm the one on the right.
Sincerely,
Jennifer
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Day 321 - Cripes
Okay, I'm going to try really hard to not use some really profane profanity in this blog update.
Somebody broke into my car yesterday.
Somebody went to all the trouble of taking a crowbar to my window, smashing chunks of glass all over the interior of my car - including my son's car seat - and grabbing my purse.
Now, I've been trying VERY HARD to be grateful that they were too STUPID to realize that my wallet and computer were sitting on my passenger side seat and not in my purse. I've been trying VERY HARD to be grateful that I did not have to cancel credit cards or renew my license. I've been trying VERY HARD to be grateful that all they really stole were my lipsticks.
Dammit, I loved those lipsticks.
I've been trying very hard to see the blessings. I have received kindness and sympathy and hugs. My mother, bless her soul, is letting me borrow her car (which is WAY nicer than mine - butt warmers and everything) until mine is fixed. I was not physically hurt, my children are healthy, and on and on and on.
Dammit, I loved those lipsticks.
People try to tell me that of course I am angry, I was violated. But I feel like I should feel more grateful. I don't. I feel really pissed off. So pissed off that I just want to call up that guy that broke my heart and tell him he is a f______ a______.
Oh, wait. I guess he has nothing to do with it.
At least today, I can be a little more cognizant of my emotions and respond to them in slightly more healthy ways. I can be angry without taking it out on innocents. I can be frustrated, and I can SAY that I am frustrated without actually demonstrating that I am frustrated. I can choose to make calls I need to make or I can choose to wait until I've calmed down a bit. I have choices in how I behave.
I like to behave well.
I heard someone say today that when we tell God what we want, we don't always get A) what we want. Hell, we may not even get B. But we DO get C, D, E, and F. In other words, I don't always get what I want, but I always get what I need.
Right now, I want a man. I want a man who will feel sorry for me and comfort me and take care of all my crap. I want a man who will bury my cat and fix my dishwasher and tape up my broken car window and hug me and love me and tell me I'm beautiful. And I want him to take me to dinner for Valentine's Day.
But, I don't get a man. I get Ms. L and Ms. A and Mr. M who felt sorry for me last night and gave me hugs. I get a son who helped bury the cat. I get ME to fix a dishwasher. I get Mr. R to clean up broken glass from my car and to tape up my broken window. I get my friends Ms. A and Ms. J who tell me I'm still beautiful. I get my mom who tells me how very much she loves me. I'm even wearing a piece of masking tape RIGHT NOW from a very handsome five year old that says, "I HEART U". Okay, it's written backwards, but still...
And, I have a picture in my mind of the most amazing Savior of the world who loves me unconditionally and wants to be with me, even when I am being a real poop.
So, I don't get A) what I want the way I want it. But I do get C, D, E, and even F. And it is exactly what I need.
Still hoping for someone to ask me to dinner for Valentines Day. Would that be breaking my own rules? I don't know. I'm sure it's a moot point anyway.
Damn, I want those lipsticks back.
Sincerely,
Jennifer
Somebody broke into my car yesterday.
Somebody went to all the trouble of taking a crowbar to my window, smashing chunks of glass all over the interior of my car - including my son's car seat - and grabbing my purse.
Now, I've been trying VERY HARD to be grateful that they were too STUPID to realize that my wallet and computer were sitting on my passenger side seat and not in my purse. I've been trying VERY HARD to be grateful that I did not have to cancel credit cards or renew my license. I've been trying VERY HARD to be grateful that all they really stole were my lipsticks.
Dammit, I loved those lipsticks.
I've been trying very hard to see the blessings. I have received kindness and sympathy and hugs. My mother, bless her soul, is letting me borrow her car (which is WAY nicer than mine - butt warmers and everything) until mine is fixed. I was not physically hurt, my children are healthy, and on and on and on.
Dammit, I loved those lipsticks.
People try to tell me that of course I am angry, I was violated. But I feel like I should feel more grateful. I don't. I feel really pissed off. So pissed off that I just want to call up that guy that broke my heart and tell him he is a f______ a______.
Oh, wait. I guess he has nothing to do with it.
At least today, I can be a little more cognizant of my emotions and respond to them in slightly more healthy ways. I can be angry without taking it out on innocents. I can be frustrated, and I can SAY that I am frustrated without actually demonstrating that I am frustrated. I can choose to make calls I need to make or I can choose to wait until I've calmed down a bit. I have choices in how I behave.
I like to behave well.
I heard someone say today that when we tell God what we want, we don't always get A) what we want. Hell, we may not even get B. But we DO get C, D, E, and F. In other words, I don't always get what I want, but I always get what I need.
Right now, I want a man. I want a man who will feel sorry for me and comfort me and take care of all my crap. I want a man who will bury my cat and fix my dishwasher and tape up my broken car window and hug me and love me and tell me I'm beautiful. And I want him to take me to dinner for Valentine's Day.
But, I don't get a man. I get Ms. L and Ms. A and Mr. M who felt sorry for me last night and gave me hugs. I get a son who helped bury the cat. I get ME to fix a dishwasher. I get Mr. R to clean up broken glass from my car and to tape up my broken window. I get my friends Ms. A and Ms. J who tell me I'm still beautiful. I get my mom who tells me how very much she loves me. I'm even wearing a piece of masking tape RIGHT NOW from a very handsome five year old that says, "I HEART U". Okay, it's written backwards, but still...
And, I have a picture in my mind of the most amazing Savior of the world who loves me unconditionally and wants to be with me, even when I am being a real poop.
So, I don't get A) what I want the way I want it. But I do get C, D, E, and even F. And it is exactly what I need.
Still hoping for someone to ask me to dinner for Valentines Day. Would that be breaking my own rules? I don't know. I'm sure it's a moot point anyway.
Damn, I want those lipsticks back.
Sincerely,
Jennifer
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Day 325 Part 2 - One for the Road
Found this and couldn't help but share:
Make Each Day Shine One Day at a Time
You have a chance to be as happy as any one person has ever been. You have an opportunity to be as proud as anyone you've ever known. You have the potential to make a very special dream come true.
And all you have to do...is recognize the possibilities, the power, and the wonder of...
Today.
It's right here, right now, and it hopes and prays we will do the right thing by recognizing it for the golden opportunity...and the gift...that it is.
Living life a day at a time means living a life that is blessed with awareness, appreciation, and accomplishment. For one day, you can be everything you were meant to be.
For one amazing day...
The weight is lifted. The path is clearer. The goal is attainable. The prayer is heard. The strength is sure. The courage is complete. The belief is steady and sweet and true.
For one remarkable day...
There is a brighter light in your life. The will to walk up the mountain takes you exactly where you want to go. The heart understands what serenity really means. And your hopes and wishes and dreams will not disappear from view.
For one magnificent day...
You can live with an abundance of love and goodness and grace shining inside you..
-- Douglas Pagels
Keep Believing in Yourself and Your Dreams, Blue Mountain Press.
Sincerely,
Jennifer
Make Each Day Shine One Day at a Time
You have a chance to be as happy as any one person has ever been. You have an opportunity to be as proud as anyone you've ever known. You have the potential to make a very special dream come true.
And all you have to do...is recognize the possibilities, the power, and the wonder of...
Today.
It's right here, right now, and it hopes and prays we will do the right thing by recognizing it for the golden opportunity...and the gift...that it is.
Living life a day at a time means living a life that is blessed with awareness, appreciation, and accomplishment. For one day, you can be everything you were meant to be.
For one amazing day...
The weight is lifted. The path is clearer. The goal is attainable. The prayer is heard. The strength is sure. The courage is complete. The belief is steady and sweet and true.
For one remarkable day...
There is a brighter light in your life. The will to walk up the mountain takes you exactly where you want to go. The heart understands what serenity really means. And your hopes and wishes and dreams will not disappear from view.
For one magnificent day...
You can live with an abundance of love and goodness and grace shining inside you..
-- Douglas Pagels
Keep Believing in Yourself and Your Dreams, Blue Mountain Press.
Sincerely,
Jennifer
Day 325 - A Happy Life
Well, it's Saturday again. Finally, a chance to breathe.
I woke up at 11:30 today. Actually, that's not quite true. I woke up at 8:30, but decided I wanted to sleep some more. I can do that today. I can choose to take loving care of myself. I've gotten to make that choice a few times lately - taking a day off work to mourn the loss of Kitty, taking another half-day off due to a scheduling mix up. I almost felt guilty for taking the time off. But not quite.
You see, God gives us the opportunity to receive exactly what we need. It may not be exactly how we want it or in the timing we'd expect, but if we are patient and open, we find that we are given exactly what we need.
Most of my life has been spent in frustration over things not being the way I want. Other people don't act the way I want them to. Life circumstances interfere with the peace I seek. Demands on my time get in the way of caring for myself. It often was a daily struggle. I would fight these circumstances hoping to gain peace.
But, that's not quite how this game called Life is meant to be played. We are not meant to fight everyone and everything in order to gain peace. Peace is found in acceptance. And furthermore, we can be grateful as well. Gratitude is found in appreciating the good in every situation, even if it takes a bit to find it.
Peace and gratitude make for a very happy life.
Today, for now anyway, I've stopped fighting. So many things about my life, I've come to accept. I accept that I am a single mother, raising three boys basically on my own. I've accepted that there are not enough hours in the day to do everything I want to do. I accept that I cannot grade all the papers and be the perfect teacher. I accept that my house is not the cleanest. I accept that I will not always be perfectly prepared for every surprise that comes my way.
This acceptance has freed me to receive and embrace a lot of good things. I embrace the spontaneity of three lively boys. I embrace the individual uniqueness of all my students. I embrace God's perfect timing and allow for things to be happening exactly as they should. I stop to breathe when I get the chance, and jump in and dance along with life when that is what is called for.
I don't have to try to control the world today. And I am so much happier for it.
Life is so much fun when you let it be. Enjoy life.
Sincerely,
Jennifer
I woke up at 11:30 today. Actually, that's not quite true. I woke up at 8:30, but decided I wanted to sleep some more. I can do that today. I can choose to take loving care of myself. I've gotten to make that choice a few times lately - taking a day off work to mourn the loss of Kitty, taking another half-day off due to a scheduling mix up. I almost felt guilty for taking the time off. But not quite.
You see, God gives us the opportunity to receive exactly what we need. It may not be exactly how we want it or in the timing we'd expect, but if we are patient and open, we find that we are given exactly what we need.
Most of my life has been spent in frustration over things not being the way I want. Other people don't act the way I want them to. Life circumstances interfere with the peace I seek. Demands on my time get in the way of caring for myself. It often was a daily struggle. I would fight these circumstances hoping to gain peace.
But, that's not quite how this game called Life is meant to be played. We are not meant to fight everyone and everything in order to gain peace. Peace is found in acceptance. And furthermore, we can be grateful as well. Gratitude is found in appreciating the good in every situation, even if it takes a bit to find it.
Peace and gratitude make for a very happy life.
Today, for now anyway, I've stopped fighting. So many things about my life, I've come to accept. I accept that I am a single mother, raising three boys basically on my own. I've accepted that there are not enough hours in the day to do everything I want to do. I accept that I cannot grade all the papers and be the perfect teacher. I accept that my house is not the cleanest. I accept that I will not always be perfectly prepared for every surprise that comes my way.
This acceptance has freed me to receive and embrace a lot of good things. I embrace the spontaneity of three lively boys. I embrace the individual uniqueness of all my students. I embrace God's perfect timing and allow for things to be happening exactly as they should. I stop to breathe when I get the chance, and jump in and dance along with life when that is what is called for.
I don't have to try to control the world today. And I am so much happier for it.
Life is so much fun when you let it be. Enjoy life.
Sincerely,
Jennifer
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