Actually, it's been more if you count the last time I actually went out on a date. But still there was the whole drama thing about being friends and all - which ended up being even more heartache. So, we'll just say two months.
I think I've made it through the roughest part. I pray I've made it through the roughest part. As you know, this last month about did me in. The cat, the car, the appliances, VD...it felt like it would never end. But it did.
Which may be why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling now. Like I just want to hop off the drama train for a while. I want no excitement. I want to go somewhere peaceful and quiet. I want to do nothing, to think nothing, to feel nothing...if just for a little while. The world can go on moving without me for a bit if it wants to. I'll jump back in when I'm ready.
It's Friday. I can do anything I want to. And what do I do? I take a nap.
Life seems to be an endless...though not really endless...journey of peaks and valleys. The terrain can be treacherous, especially to one with a tender heart. Most days, I hit the trail with high spirits and a true sense of adventure. Other times, I limp along just praying for relief from the elements.
Today, I rest. Today, I know when I need rest, and I know how to get it. I don't find it in escaping reality - there is no point in that. True rest is found in releasing the pressure I place on myself. For it is not life that places such harsh demands on us - it is us ourselves. I get that today. I know that if I need a break, it is I that am responsible for seeing that I get one.
No one else can make my life tolerable. No one else can make my life enjoyable. No other person is responsible in any way for how I feel. I am.
I am hopeful that this year I am taking will help to solidify that understanding. I am hoping that I will really get it - once and for all - that I am responsible for the quality of my life. I hope I will truly learn that the choices I make in who I have around me are important choices. I hope I do not choose poorly again.
For now, I look around me and see some very beautiful, loving faces. I see my children. I see my family. I see the most amazing friends in the world. And I see me. Those are the people I choose today. And I love them dearly.
Today I choose to rest, I choose to love, and I choose to be at peace. Amen.
Sincerely,
Jennifer
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