Okay, I'm going to try really hard to not use some really profane profanity in this blog update.
Somebody broke into my car yesterday.
Somebody went to all the trouble of taking a crowbar to my window, smashing chunks of glass all over the interior of my car - including my son's car seat - and grabbing my purse.
Now, I've been trying VERY HARD to be grateful that they were too STUPID to realize that my wallet and computer were sitting on my passenger side seat and not in my purse. I've been trying VERY HARD to be grateful that I did not have to cancel credit cards or renew my license. I've been trying VERY HARD to be grateful that all they really stole were my lipsticks.
Dammit, I loved those lipsticks.
I've been trying very hard to see the blessings. I have received kindness and sympathy and hugs. My mother, bless her soul, is letting me borrow her car (which is WAY nicer than mine - butt warmers and everything) until mine is fixed. I was not physically hurt, my children are healthy, and on and on and on.
Dammit, I loved those lipsticks.
People try to tell me that of course I am angry, I was violated. But I feel like I should feel more grateful. I don't. I feel really pissed off. So pissed off that I just want to call up that guy that broke my heart and tell him he is a f______ a______.
Oh, wait. I guess he has nothing to do with it.
At least today, I can be a little more cognizant of my emotions and respond to them in slightly more healthy ways. I can be angry without taking it out on innocents. I can be frustrated, and I can SAY that I am frustrated without actually demonstrating that I am frustrated. I can choose to make calls I need to make or I can choose to wait until I've calmed down a bit. I have choices in how I behave.
I like to behave well.
I heard someone say today that when we tell God what we want, we don't always get A) what we want. Hell, we may not even get B. But we DO get C, D, E, and F. In other words, I don't always get what I want, but I always get what I need.
Right now, I want a man. I want a man who will feel sorry for me and comfort me and take care of all my crap. I want a man who will bury my cat and fix my dishwasher and tape up my broken car window and hug me and love me and tell me I'm beautiful. And I want him to take me to dinner for Valentine's Day.
But, I don't get a man. I get Ms. L and Ms. A and Mr. M who felt sorry for me last night and gave me hugs. I get a son who helped bury the cat. I get ME to fix a dishwasher. I get Mr. R to clean up broken glass from my car and to tape up my broken window. I get my friends Ms. A and Ms. J who tell me I'm still beautiful. I get my mom who tells me how very much she loves me. I'm even wearing a piece of masking tape RIGHT NOW from a very handsome five year old that says, "I HEART U". Okay, it's written backwards, but still...
And, I have a picture in my mind of the most amazing Savior of the world who loves me unconditionally and wants to be with me, even when I am being a real poop.
So, I don't get A) what I want the way I want it. But I do get C, D, E, and even F. And it is exactly what I need.
Still hoping for someone to ask me to dinner for Valentines Day. Would that be breaking my own rules? I don't know. I'm sure it's a moot point anyway.
Damn, I want those lipsticks back.
Sincerely,
Jennifer
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